When to Move in With Your Significant Other
A few months ago Zach and I decided to live together and it was a really easy decision. We didn't wrestle with pros and cons or call our friends making sure we were ready to live together. There were a handful of things that made us just know it was a good move for us. For some people it's a little harder to know and circumstances can be different. When we decided to live together, it seemed right for our relationship and financial situations.
Next year Zach and I will still be in Athens. I will be continuing my last year of college and he will be working locally. We don't want to move back home, don't want to find roommates, and don't want to afford to live alone. We also pretty much live together now and don't have any doubts in our relationship. With all that being said, it was a pretty easy decision to sign a lease together.
Now I understand that not everyone's situation is the same. I have friends that have been with their significant others much longer and don't have plans to live together and others who just simply don't feel ready. That is totally normal. There is not a "right" or "wrong" way to decide to move in with your significant other, but some of us may need a little guidance to decide if it is the right choice. While I didn't ponder over it too much at the beginning, I have asked myself questions and some things have popped in to my head lately. I decided to write a little post about some things I find important when it comes choosing to live with your S/O.
You Have A Stable Relationship
This one may seem like the obvious guy, but really think about it. Are you prone to have fights and break up? Do you often find yourself unexcited about a future together? Do you argue on a regular basis? Can you trust them? It's easy to let the thought of moving in with someone excite you and lead you to make a quick decision. However, it is also one of the most important times to sit back and really make sure this relationship is healthy, stable, and long lasting.
If you do not feel your relationship is stable enough to move in together, that does not mean you need to break up. It could very much mean that you need more time to work out the kinks and grow together before you are ready to make that commitment.
You Already Established Morning/Night Routines Together
Zach and I have been spending nights together for over a year now. Our routines are pretty much the same most of the nights and we have very much adjusted to adding the other person in to them. For many who have very strict morning routines (like Zach), it can be much harder to incorporate another person. It definitely took some time and getting used to, but we have become comfortable enough with each other to fully submerse one another in to our morning and night routines.
You Are Comfortable Knowing You Will Have Little Privacy From Them
For me, this was always the hardest to wrap my head around. I am very open about most things in my life but the things I'm not, I'm very private about. Like most other people, I am most private about the bathroom situation. It gave me major anxiety in college to have to share a bathroom and from then on I always made sure I had my own. Of course I can't live with Zach in a 1 bedroom 2 bath, nor would I want to, so I had to get over it. Naturally, it was the last thing we overcame together but it's so terribly important if you want to live together.
You Have Ensured That You Are Financially Prepared
Being financially stable before you commit to living with your significant other is terribly important. Financials can cause such a strain on a relationship so try your absolute best to be open and honest in this discussion. Most leases are for a year, so be confident that you can both afford to commit for at least a year. That includes rent, food, gas and all that other good stuff we need to live. Also, discuss how rent will be paid. Will you each send a check? Will it be 50/50?
The other end of this is important too: what happens to your financials (lease, etc.) if you split up? Of course you don't move in with someone only to plan to move out, but you never know. Just be sure you've had the conversation of what would happen to the apartment if you were to have a falling out.
It Feels Right To Settle Down
Last but not least, does it feel right? The thought of settling down shouldn't scare you or make you start breathing heavily. For me, it feels warm, cozy, and comfortable. It may not be the same for you, but I couldn't imagine choosing to move in with Zach if it made me feel stressed or anxious.
I hope that these things can help you when deciding if it's time and you're ready to move in with your partner.